Time For A Change?
How can it not be time for a change, right? Two weeks ago a man walked
into a St. Louis company he worked for and started shooting his co-
workers, killing 3people, and wounding over a dozen, I believe. The man
who killed his co-workers was also killed. One of the people he killed
was my friend’s neighbor’s son.
My heart tells me this all about how we’re raising little boys. We
‘train’ them just like they are trained to be soldiers in warring
countries or trained to put mines in fields, and that is to live life
like it’s one big fight and you better win. You better win in sports,
business and/or sex and if you don’t, you’re not a man. What’s so
absurd about the whole thing to me is when one does all these things so
well, like Tiger Woods, then we scream and carry on about it. Didn’t he
do as he was trained to do? I think so.
From my perspective, it’s not rocket science. If we want to stop
creating unhappy, lonely and isolated men who carry out acts of
violence because they feel there is no other recourse, we must teach
them differently. If the man at Ft. Hood had not felt lonely and
hopeless, the young Nigerian man had not felt so alone in the world
with all his worldly possessions and the man here in St. Louis had been
able to share his feelings, I don’t believe any of these horrible
things would have occurred. We see the same M.O. for gang members.
Their relationships at home and school are poor to non-existent and so
they find something somewhere just to feel worthy and connected.
Can we begin a dialogue about male violence? Yes, women are violent
also. However, we’re not getting anywhere talking about it collectively
and I do believe more men seek violent ‘solutions’ than women. Maybe
I’m wrong. Maybe the statistics would prove me wrong if I looked
deeper. And I’m very open to that discovery. I also know that because
we raise our little boys to be ‘killers’ in some way, kill ‘em on the
playing field, be a lady-killer, etc, we get killers.
How can we expect different results when this is what we’re training
50% of our species to believe they are here to be?
A human identity is where this craziness will end. When we raise little
boys to be skillful in building and honoring relationships, we will
create peace makers, collaborators and connected happy people. Blowing
up a plane or one’s co-workers would never even be on the radar screen
as a solution for solving any problem. It would be unimaginable.
Won’t that be wonderful to live in a time when killing, beating and
raping are unimaginable? The solution is imaginable. So what do you say
we not only imagine it we do it? One identity for both boys and girls,
women and men. To be human is to be loving, kind, compassionate and
caring. That’s it. Pink is just a color, crying is a just another way
to express one’s feelings like laughter, movies about relationships are
as valuable as any other kind of movie, etc. Being a man, like being a
woman, is simply about being a loving person.
Yes, it’s time for a change and I believe we know what needs changing.
It’s usually an inside job and this one is no different.Let’s do it!
GenderWise icircle – February 3, 2010
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One Response to 'Time For A Change?'
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I would say that we must take it to the deepest level with men and women. We must teach both to be apart of a community to love and honor each other from the earliest age so that we can begin to feel apart of each other. When we do we won’t want to hurt each other in any way. Feeling apart of the whole I would be hurting myself if I hurt you.
ReEnchanter
19 Jan 10 at 7:48 am